As most little girls, I grew up hearing fairy tales, in which the prince and the princess get married in the end and live happily every after. And, from the time I was a little girl, I would see my little friends dreaming about their prince charming and the day he would scoop them up in a white horse, have a beautiful wedding and ride together into the sunshine.
I’m not sure when I realized there was something wrong with me, that I was different from my little friends, but it’s been a long time. While, for most of my childhood years my friends were dreaming about Leonardo DiCaprio and how he was the King of the World, I was thinking about how I wanted to be an actress when I grew up.
Or a detective. An archaeologist.
And then, an author.
But from when I was very little, my dreams never, ever consisted in getting married and having a family. It was always, always about having a job that I loved. And that was something very hard to grow up with. Honestly, sometimes, it still is. I remember having my friends being guy crazed and talking about guys all the time. It’s not like I have anything against guys — guys are awesome, I love guys! I liked talking about guys, too. But not all the time. I definitely didn’t like talking about future plans, because mine were so differently from theirs. Theirs were about meeting the love of their life an having a great family. Mine? I just want a job that makes me feel whole.
It’s not that I want to be alone, of course not. But… I never saw being with someone as something essential in my life. I have this friend — and she knows who she is — who tells me she needs to learn how to be alone. That she’s never been alone since she started having boyfriend at the age of thirteen. She says she feels she needs to be with someone, always. For me, that’s never been the case. In fact, I kind of feel better alone.
Maybe it’s because I’m a product of a “broken home” (I’m using the term sarcastically, in case you couldn’t tell), but I’m one of those kids who never dreamed of getting married, but has always wanted ex-husbands, just like my mom (hers are the best!). I say this jokingly, but this is kind of the spirit.
The way I see it, though, is that A LOT of people I know see life a this thing where you have one soulmate, someone who completes you and makes you whole. I just think that life is a very long time to be with someone. I think there are many people out there who can make you happy. I think many guys can make me happy, for different reasons, at different times of my life. I want to meet these guys. I want to be with these guys. I don’t need to be with one of them forever or have a piece of paper to prove we’re together. I just want to enjoy the time we have.
On the other hand, there’s the job thing. Of course, when you think about it, there could be a lot of things that make you happy. But could there? The way I see it, when you find something that makes it worth it, you hold on to it. When you find something that makes you wake up every day in the morning, you hold on to it. When you find something that gives you a burning passion, you better damn well hold on to it.
But, Barbie, you ask me, don’t all these things apply to a person, too? My boyfriend makes me feel that way! I say great for you. But this stimuli for you to feel this way cannot come from someone else. Not from a husband, a boyfriend or children. It needs to come from you, for you. Or you’ll have a wonderful family and still feel emotionally and personally frustrated. You’ll feel like you have everything, but you’re missing yourself and your passion.
When you have passion, though, you can find everything else. That’s what I believe anyway. You have an awesome job that you love? Your life is made, sister. You don’t need anyone else to be successful and whole. Once you are, then everything else is just complementing this.
I’m twenty-five and my friends are not boyfriend crazed anymore. They’re wedding crazed now. All they ever talk about is weddings, engagements and everything in between. Sometimes, I feel like the only reason they want a stable job is so they can have good income so they’re ready to get married.
Me? I’m still trying to get to my passion. To that burning force inside of me that makes me whole. No one else can do that for me. That’s my fairy tale. I wish the movies, the books, the stories would show that more often. One of the most amazing movies I’ve ever seen was a romantic comedy in which the girl doesn’t get the guy, she gets the job of her dream, which, to me, is the perfect ending. I can’t imagine a better thing to get.
Now, I ask you: What’s your fairy tale?
Answered the poll above? Awesome! Tell me why! What did you dream of when you were a kid? Did you dream of getting married? Having an awesome job? Both? Did something/someone make you change your mind? Let’s talk about it in the comments!