I haven’t blogged in over a month and for that I apologize. I could go one about a few reasons why, but, believe me, no one wants to hear that. Today’s post is much more interesting. I come to you with the true story of what I would bet has been a young girl’s worst date so far in her short life. Or, for her sake, I would hope so (if she’s had worse, she’s really cursed, the poor thing!).
I have to admit, all the pictures for this illustrated story have been taken without consent. The characters also have no idea they have become characters, or that someone was
eavesdropping observing their conversations and interactions. They would never have imagined, I think, that the girl next booth was a story teller, and as she watched the events unfold, she just knew their story needed to be shared with the world.
For the sake of their privacy (and because I have no clue what their names might have been anyway), we’ll call the girl Emily, because I think she looks exactly like that character, Emily, The Strange. And, the guy, for self-explanatory reasons, let’s just call him Dick 🙂
There I was, on vacation, sitting in a restaurant with a friend I hadn’t seen in eight years,
eavesdropping on a couple having an argument that I’m pretty sure led to someone sleeping on the couch that night on a table nearby, enjoying a nice meal and conversation, when this really young couple sits on the booth right across from ours. They’re very young, teenagers, and as they sit in front of each other instead of side by side, we start to speculate what their relationship may be. It was soon clear it was a date. It was supposed to be anyway. I think. But, ummmm… Aren’t you supposed to, you know, like TALK in dates? Because Emily spent a really long time looking at the menu. In fact, long after she ordered, she was still looking at the menu. I’m pretty sure she was trying to memorize it for a pop quiz or something. My friend joked that we should probably ask the waiter to give her the wine menu for variation.
So, that’s how it started. For the first 40 minutes or so, they didn’t talk AT ALL. I was feeling antsy and uncomfortable for them. She was clearly bored, and he just seemed not to care. She tried to make up conversation and we held out breaths that it may be a starter, but it soon died off and they were quiet again. At some point, I was half way to going there and giving them ten topics to talk about and see if it would help.
Finally, FINALLY, they start talking, and we take a deep breath of relieve. Things are bound to get better now, right? The guy goes on talking about himself, the whole time. Just him. And the girl looks so dreadfully bored I just want to go over and give her a hug. Right about this time, two things happen: their food arrives and another couple arrives, too, and takes the booth right by theirs. And… the new couple that arrived is so much in love they catch out attention right away. They sit side by side and start making out, right there. They just can’t keep their hands off each other. We’re about to go over to Dick and say, “Hey, Dude, want to make your girl happy? Learn from that guy. He’s definitely getting laid later.”
But Dick’s too busy eating like a pig. No, really, the amount of food the put on his mouth was gross. Poor Emily tried so hard on the date, she reached for his hand, but he pulled right back to grab his fork and stuff five or six french fries at once in his mouth and chew, looking like a really ugly chipmunk. Emily finishes her food much earlier than Dick, and orders dessert, which comes fairly quickly. He asked for a bite of her dessert, which she spooned to his mouth. Just guess what he did. No, really, go ahead. He didn’t even finished to swallow it when he put more fries in his mouth. I just about puked in my chair.
Meanwhile, the couple next booth was happily kissing and talking. The contrast was so amazing, that I just had to take a few pictures. Dick continued to talk about himself only and you could see the misery in poor Emily’s face.
And, note, in all three pictures, the couple next book hugging, kissing, and, believe me, their hands disappeared under the table early on! Just sayin’.
As Emily finished her dessert, we were hoping her misery would end. But Dick wanted dessert himself. Remember how she prettily shared hers with him, gave in his mouth and everything? Well, when his arrived, she was looking at it, salivating, and he was eating it, putting these HUGE pieces in his mouth and didn’t even offer until he was half way done. Shocked didn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
After he finished eating, Dick stood up to leave for the bathroom, and Emily took a moment to breathe and sigh. She was in such complete and utter misery when he stood up, that I had to take a picture.
Then, she immediately picked her phone and called someone. I think it was her father from the little snippets of conversations I heard. I’m thinking since she was so young, she was begging for an ASAP pick up. Here’s a picture of Emily’s cry for help.
You think the worst is over, right??? You keep thinking that. By then, over ten minutes are gone and NO DICK! We start we wonder if he just left her there with the bill and took off. We are so shocked and intrigued, that we paid our bill and I told the waiter, very nicely, “Dude, we’ve been sitting here the whole time. There’s NO WAY I’m leaving without seeing if he’s coming back for her.” So, we wait, anxiously, to see if Dick’s coming back. (Obviously, I was going to console her if he didn’t come back and tell her she could talk to me and tell me everything if she wanted to. Aren’t I the sweetest???)
Still no sign of Dick.
After seriously twenty minutes of LEAVING THE GIRL ON HER OWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A DATE, Dick comes back, and we know for sure he didn’t have a stomachache because we had someone check the men’s restroom (What??? I’m just a bit nosy!). And, he talks to her lowly and furiously, still standing up. And… Emily asks for the check. Alone. And, Emily pays for the check… ALONE. My jaw’s just about hanging off my mouth, then.
And you think that’s the worst of it? No, really, just brace yourself now. Just as Dick sits back, he starts to PICK HIS NOSE!!! AT THE TABLE! In front of her. I can’t help it, but we all burst into laughter of shock, horror, pity, incredulity, everything.
As they leave, we follow close behind. I have to say, most of our dinner was spent paying attention on their date, but a lot of good conversation came from it. It was honestly one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen in my life. I felt so bad for the girl. I could totally picture her coming home and telling all her friends on Facebook chat what happened. I do hope her next date it better.
I’m lucky enough to never have had a date from hell. But, do tell me, friends, have you ever dated a guy like Dick? How much did you put up with? What about eavesdropping? Do you pay attention to what’s happening at other tables at restaurants??? I can’t wait to see what you guys have to say!!!