Living in my own little world!

Just the other day, my brother said to my mother, in the middle of a conversation, about me (as if I wasn’t there, as usual), “Are you telling me she doesn’t live in her own little world?”

At the time, I replied, “I DO NOT live in my own little world.” But now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I’ve changed my mind. Actually, I do live in my own little world. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

At twenty-two years old, I’ve finally started to perceive the world. I’m not sure what changed in the last year, but it’s like all of a sudden, I care. I care about the situation of the world, about what happens, about society, justice and equality. I’ve started to realize, ironically, that the world goes beyond what I can see and feel and think and imagine, that there’s so much happening out there that I can’t even imagine. But I’ve started to notice. To get myself involved — physically, mentally, emotionally — with the world. I feel enraged about some social situations in realities that aren’t mine. Enraged, like kicking and screaming. I feel passionate about causes that aren’t mine, I love things I don’t know and I hate things I can’t imagine. And it’s overwhelming — not necessarily in the bad sense of the world.

If I stop to think about some things, I’ll feel them deep and personally, even if they couldn’t concern me less. Like, a while ago, I read an article about children being killed as witches in Nigeria. Children. Witches. It made me so, so angry I cried. It made me anguished and confused, and, my God, it’s 2010, how can people still be killed like that? I thought the inquisition was over for centuries. But it’s not. We still live, if we really think about it, in a state of world inquisition, with every prejudice, all the ignorance, all the hate.

The truth is, I don’t think I’m ready for this world. I think it’s all a process of growing up, of finding your place, of learning to deal with the world without taking it all as your own. I don’t want to be a little goldfish thrown to the sharks. I need time to observe the world and plan my approach. I want to learn to swim, and dive, and put on a big scary face before I have to deal with everything the world brings with it. I’m stepping into it, you know? A step at the time. I take a peak, process what I see, then go back to my own place. My own little world.

You must be thinking: “What’s your world like, then?” My world is colorful. I love colors and they bring me happiness. There are a lot of books in it, too, because, to me, they’re the best escape from reality. I may not be ready for the real world out there, but I sure enjoy getting out of my own world to visit other people’s worlds. Characters. Stories. Magic. TV shows are in my world for the very same reason. And friends. I don’t think I would have included friends in my world a couple years ago, but now they’re a great part of my life. I’ve finally gathered the courage to share myself with the world outside — or, maybe, to bring people into my world — and I like that feeling.

The most important thing about my world, though, is that I believe in happy endings. I’ve seen enough of real life to know that it doesn’t happen for everyone. Maybe it doesn’t happen to most people. I’ve seen there’s pain out there, unbearable, inconceivable, unbelievable. I believe, and I truly, really do, that after everything, hopefully in this life (but maybe in the next), there’s a happy ending for everyone. There’s a purpose, something that makes it all, all the tears, all the pain, all the burdens, worth living.

As I grow and time passes, I’ll most likely step out of my world. And, someday, I’m going to stay out there. For a couple of days at first, then weeks, then months, then years. Maybe I’ll never return. But I hope as this happens, that I can bring my world — or part of it, anyway — with me, and it’ll make me see the world with a better light and give me courage to face it.

And I’ll keep the happy ending. That one is going with me no matter where I am.

What about you? Do you live in your own little world or are you all grown up facing the world out there?

(And, no, not all my posts will be this deep and full of reflection. It was just an introduction to who I am and my little world. There’s a lot of fun and light and laughs in it that I’ll love to share).

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18 Comments

Filed under Life in General

18 responses to “Living in my own little world!

  1. G.

    i was’t sure if i should comment in english or portuguese… so… you’ll have to deal with my bad grammar for a while. =]
    and… wow. growing up isn’t that bad, huh? i think it’s a bit later than the usual but i’m happy you’re finally making it up.
    reality and the “big world” it’s tough sometimes, but it’s also incredible.

    hope you enjoy the journey.

  2. Love the new blog, Barbie! A perfect outlet for your musings and observations about books and life!

    We all live in our own little worlds, I suppose, but the fact that you’re opening your horizons is a wondeful, healthy, mature sign and I’m so proud of you!

    xoxo
    Rocki

  3. Mariana

    i don´t know exactly, if i live in my own little world or not.. but you rock my world! my real world, and you know that! 🙂
    and excuse-moi (ahah! French!), my english is too bad and i really don´t feel sorry for that!

    ps. congratulations for the new baby! i mean.. the words, blogs, hugs, etc

  4. Samara

    Eu acho que devia ser um blog bilingue, pq eu além de não dominar o inglês, me sinto intimidada ao comentar em Português, rs

    But, whatever, eu tb vivo a maior parte do tempo no meu próprio mundo, que tá mais pra monocromático, e não a toa meu (abandonado) blog se chama “meu pequeno universo paralelo”, mas às vezes tb me pego defendendo passionalmente questões que, intimamente, não me dizem respeito ou ao meu “pequeno mundo”, basta alguém ser injusto com qq um na minha frente.

  5. Claudia

    u know what? While reading it, I saw myself as part of this little, but really cozy world…

  6. Melissa Lee Terrell

    You write beautifully. A wonderful look at coming of age in this new world, very different from the world of 40 years ago, (when I left HS) the world has grown exponentially with the internet and you face challenges I never dreamed of. Yet there is the timeless familiarity of family talking about you as though you were not in the room, brought back remembrance of my parents doing the same thing. So child, go forth into the world, keeping your own little world in your heart, should you need to retreat. I still spend time in my own precious little world, where it is always safe and warm and happy.

  7. Lidia Cardoso

    I fully agree with the features you described your writing style! Deep and straightforward! Outstanding! And most of all I LOVE the idea of keeping the “happy ending”… Please keep me posted of the updates!

  8. Delia Daza

    Excellent blog Barbie. You are a good writer, keep them coming.
    And I also have my own little world 😉

  9. Hola chiquita. I’m so glad to see you’re writing! I love the passion you bring to everything you do. It’s never as apparent as when you’re talking about injustice, particularly as it pertains to children. Passion is life. ~Maria

  10. Nilton

    Adorei blog.

  11. Liana

    Lindo ! Eu estou muito orgulhosa de você . Aliás, estou orgulhosa desde que você nasceu e bem pequenininha já demostrava uma personalidade incrível. Só acho que você devia ser mais generosa com as pessoas que não dominam bem o inglês e passar a publicar em português também. Um blog bilingue. Você pode estar crescendo, mas sempre será uma “popstar”. Te amo

  12. Trish

    Thank you for opening your world up to us! I’m glad that I’m able to be a part of it.

    And while my age may make you think that I’m all grown up and facing the big, bad world, the truth of the matter is that I have my own little world too. I don’t open it up to many and have been known to kick people out but it’s mine and I like it.

    The blog is great Barbie! You’re inspring me again. 🙂

  13. Iara

    Tudo o que você disse fez todo sentido. Eu acredito que todo mundo, sem perceber, tem seu próprio mundo. É uma forma de escapar de tudo que é sujo que existe do lado de fora. Isso inclui pessoas, lugares, sentimentos. E sobre os fins felizes e o propósito da vida… É o que eu também acredito. Um dia, deve existir algo de bom pra gente, pra fazer valer todo o sofrimento de uma vida. Eu sempre digo pra mim que o mundo, a vida não podem ser só isso que a gente presencia todo dia. Tem que haver algo mais!

  14. Diane

    Wow, B!!! This is so deep and insightful ~ I just checked to make sure those weren’t your words popping out of my brain. I’m so glad that we’ve become friends. And…. see! I finally made it here 😉

  15. Natali

    I think happy endings do exist, but sometimes people are too dumb to understand that the happy ending you deserve it’s not the one you want. Thanks for showing me a little bit more of your world. That makes me love you even more!
    **

  16. Natali

    I do believe in happy endings, but i think some people are too dumb to understand that the happy ending they deserve it’s not the happy ending they want. Thanks for showing a little bit more of your world to me. That makes me love you even more.
    **

  17. Barbie!

    Babe, I kinda regret not reading this before, coz this is so you. I loved it. It reminded me of things that are important when you take the ‘real world’ in consideration. It reminded me of you. I miss you. I hope you, one day, will be able to enter in this ‘real world’ deeply, but then it is this world that will fear your strenghts, your happiness and your color. I really do. Love ya.

  18. Asia Morela

    That is nicely put, and I can relate to most of it.

    I guess I’ve always felt passionate about real life issues, but like you, I haven’t always had the courage or insight to actually speak up about it or take concrete action; because I feel like there is so much for me yet to learn, so many possible mistakes for me to make, and I’ve got to be ready and prepared before I do the big jump.

    However, I believe that no matter how involved I ever become into politics/activism and all the causes I believe in, I’ll never completely leave “my own little world” behind. At heart, I’ll probably always want to be a fiction writer, and what’s writing fiction if not creating your own world, away from reality…

    By the way, my boyfriend just got back from two weeks in Brazil; he was enchanted, wants to go back next year and take me with him. (Just a random fact. ^^)

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